It is not only the aggrieved partner that needs to learn how to recover from the shock and pain caused by an adulterous spouse. The perpetrator is equally a victim of the affair. It is a myth that only men have affairs. Whom are the ones they’re having their affair with? Affairs are not the product of our times. Infidelity has informed our history, religious stories and culture since time immemorial. Modern technology and freer mingling of the sexes only slightly help. And sometimes that help backfires. As anyone whose ‘secret’ text messages on his cellphone have been discovered by a suspicious partner. Such surprises and insightful observations abound in yet another robust book by renowned relationships counsellor Vijay Nagaswami, in the third of Westland’s ‘New Indian Marriage’ series.
More than humour, more than his wit, Nagaswami’s greatest quality is his refusal to point out the villain in any piece. We are all flawed individuals, he reminds us yet again, and sometimes make foolish choices in the heat – or boredom – of the moment. But hope is at hand. We CAN regret, forgive and learn to love again. And, most importantly, cast away our guilt and our recriminations.(less)
To start with, the book is very very organized. There are two sections to the book, first where you understand infidelity and other where you read on how to survive it.
Infidelity is a very sore subject , especially in Indian culture. Reading or writing a book handling this topic is definitely a challenge.
The book starts explaining monogamy and polygamy and then switching to relationships and introducing terms like open relationships and swinging etc. The author does a good job by explaining with examples how can infidelity creep and what type of relationships are taken as extramarital affairs.
The author tries to be very fair while he answers questions like is it wrong to have an extramarital
Affair, why do people have affairs etc. And the best part is that you don’t see author taking sides or saying that a person is wrong.
The surviving part was difficult to fathom but I think the author did a fair job by trying to explain trauma aggrieved and transgressor go through. How forgiveness is difficult for aggrieved and how difficult it is to trust the partner who has cheated.
Also all the examples start getting repetitive and predictable which I think would have been the necessity of the book. But unfortunately, they start getting tiring for a reader.
In short, I think the author has done a good job in explaining questions aroused by such an act and that there is nothing called as right to such an act but the wrong just happens and is devastating for a marriage.
The book was received as part of Book Reviewer program at blogadda.com. I also apologies to author and blog adda team for putting this post very late due to medical emergency.